under construction

Yo. What's up. I played as many Mario Kart rip offs as I could get my hands on. But before I take them in my hands and squeeze out the review, let me tell you about my history with the genre, if you will.

I really like Mario Kart. Like alot. I first played it on the DS when I stole my cousin's copy, also Animal Crossing. Then, soon after, I got it on the wii (not stolen). It was wonderful. I had a wii wheel and everything! And when I got my 3ds, Mario Kart was the first game I got on it. Also Animal Crossing. It was a little bit of a let down, they didn't have my boy Waluigi. Then when the switch came out, Mario Kart was my first game on that! Also Animal Crossing. Mario Kart and Animal Crossing are my two best pals.

I love Mario Kart 8, I'm almost done 3 starring all the 200cc, I've played the tracks over and over and over and over. And... I really wanted something new. I had the bonus tracks, but that wasn't enough. I need fresh blood. Or slime? That's when I saw Nickelodeon Kart Racers was on sale. Also Hello Kitty Kruisers. So I thought, sure, I'll play these, and then I remembered I had access to alot of old kart racers. So. Why not play every one? Every goddam one.

However, I will say I only have access to ones on the switch, the DS, the 3DS, GB, GBA, SNES, and PS1. I will only play switch games if they go on sale. I am not giving 40 dollars to smurfs racing. I won't play games on computer emulators, they have to be ones that I can hold in my hands.

For DS and 3DS I'll be using my hacked 3DS, Switch for switch games, and my Miyoo Mini for everything else. I'm currently saving up for a RG405M for PS2, Wii, PSP, N64, and Game Cube.

Based on five categories. Driftability-How good are the controls? Can you drift? Personalizability-How crazy can you get with the stats of your kart? Turbobility-How fucking fast can you go? Envirobility-How cool are the tracks? How gnarly is the atmosphere? Whee-Is it fun?

One metric I will also be using in comparing it to Mario Kart is: Does it have a rainbow road? Surprisingly many do.
Further with that comparison, I'll give a short reveiw of the Mario Kart for that console if there is one.

Switch

Mariokart

Dare I say the best kart racer to exist?

Nickelodeon Kart Racers 1-3

1

personalizability 2
turbobility 3
evirobility 3
whee 3
Racer: Arnold

2

3
personalizabilty 3
turbobility 4
envirobility 3.5
whee 3 1/2
Racer: Zim

3

4
personalizability 5
turbobility 5
envirobility 4
whee 4

3 really steps its game up, the drift feels better, the characters don't look like trash. It feels better to play, it's got voice acting.
At fast speeds, though, it is possible to just fallout out of the map and you have to wait for the npcs to finish the race. And that sucks. One thing about it is, just a minor detail, nothing to fret over is... you can't fucking see anything. The haze over this game the faster you go is insane. I don't know if this is just the way it's rendered, or lag, whatever, the point is I wish the lines were clear. I just wanna know where I'm going. The gimick that makes this one stand out, though, is the slime slide. Which is kind of a shortcut that just takes you to a slide. It's fine. Personally I take them because that means I don't have to steer for like a few seconds. Racer: Zim

Hello Kitty Kruisers

1
personalizability 1
turbobility 1
envirobility 2
whee 1

The thing about Hello Kitty Kruisers is that it's not fun. I think I've fallen asleep more times during it than I've hit anyone with a projectile because once you're in front, you stay in front even if you're unconscious.

There are 5 tracks they just sorta change a bit in order to get to 16. They have 8 racers and 8 carts to choose from so you can really mix and match all the options.
Racer: Chococat
Does it have a rainbow road? Yes.

Smurfs Kart

4
personalizability 2
turbobility 3
envirobility 3
whee 3.5

Smurfs Kart is weirdly fun. Like, I was really about to just power through this and try and come out the other side sane. But, I actually enjoyed myself. You can't really boost of jumps, even though you're supposed to. Like, the timing you have to press the button is so precise and it's hard to tell when to do it. Usually I just avoid them.
Each character has their own item they can get as sort of like an ultra move from the mystery boxes. Much like in Sonic Racing for the DS.
The drifting is good, though. Like, really good. It's so easy and smooth to build up drifts, however going over a jump disrupts your drift. Not something that happens in Mario Kart.
The game did crash, though, right as I was about to win the last race. So I had to do that prix over again. And there's only three.
I believe this is in relation to the 2017 Smurfs movie in which, there are more female characters. I assume to pad out the roster with characters that don't all look the same. Especially since this game didn't come out til 2022. (Also during research for this, I found out there's apparently a 2021 smurfs tv series? That can't be right, I would have heard about it. Even if its French. idk.)
Instead of loading, it's smurfing. And you can play in Fun or Hyperspeed.
Nintendolife gave it a 7.0 and I must admit I am in accord. Maybe a 6. It doesn't have that many tracks. And it crashed. And it doesn't have online play... OTHER than that it's a pretty good game. (I've played alot of the following games on this list by this point so my standards are in the gloomy swamp at this point.)
Racer: Storm

Garfield Kart Furious Racing

2.5
personalizability 3
turbobility 2
envirobility 2
whee 2
It's called furious racing for a reason, cause it's really pissing me OFF. It's just garfield kart for the 3ds. It's the exact same game. Am I going crazy?

DreamWorks All-Star Kart Racing

3
personalizability 4
turbobility 4
envirobility 3
whee 2.5
DreamWorks Racing is Nickelodeon Kart Racers 3. It's the same game. They just changed the characters and tracks. Racer: Puss in Boots

Chocobo GP

driftablility 2
turbobility 3
envirobility 2
whee 2
Chocobo Grand Prix is a game for insane people. This song is like the ring video. It infects everyone it touches and you need to spread it to as many people as possible.

Chocobo Grand Prix is lying to me. I'm fucking garbage at this game, I did not get first place in the prix the first time. You race against 64 players and I'm first? Shut the hell up. No one is playing this game let alone 64 people. I'm gonna kill someone.

Race with Ryan

driftability 3
personalizability 2
turbobility 2
envirobility 1.5
whee 2

I don't know who Ryan is. A youtube child? Why does he have a kart game? Why does wikipedia list it as a dating simulator? Why does wikipedia say it has a 100% on metacritic when it has a 51? Why is so good?
Okay, good is exaggerating. It's... god I don't know.
I wish I could see the track but the character's big ass head is in the way.
If you do check the metacritic reviews, half the reviews are 0's and the other half are joke 10's.
User brainerd says "I cried at the end of Race with Ryan. Watching him grow and develop as a character instills this feeling of happiness that cannot be topped. I missed my son's birth to see the end of this masterpiece. It's cart racing gameplay puts other titles in the genre such as Death Stranding and Alan Wake to shame. A game of this caliber only comes around once in a lifetime, and i consider myself incredibly lucky to have witnessed it."
I looked at the wikipedia page history because I'm insane and apparently in 2021 the review score was accurate, as was the category but on March 15, 2023, the score was placed at 100%, but then changed back later that day. But then changed BACK. The next day adding "The game has been widely regarded by critics as one of the greatest games ever made." Later this day dating simulator was added.
On September 3rd a user added "mario kart sucks balls". (changed later that day.) Then added "People also say that Race with ryan is the better version of mario kart" then "The person named lewdmemes on roblox is a liar and sucks at mario kart" then "he also says he likes furry milk" (then removed)
Then the user pens a letter. "Dear "lewdmemes,"
I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to bring up a matter of concern regarding your recent interactions with "race with Ryan." It has come to my attention that there may have been instances of disrespect or inappropriate behavior.
Respect and kindness are essential values that we should uphold in our interactions with others, both online and offline. Disparaging or disrespectful comments can be hurtful and harmful, and they have no place in our community.
I would like to encourage you to reconsider your actions and strive to treat all individuals with the respect they deserve. Differences in opinions and preferences should be discussed in a civil and constructive manner. Remember that behind every username is a real person with feelings.
Let's work together to foster a more positive and respectful online environment for everyone. I hope you'll take this message as an opportunity to reflect on your actions and make amends where necessary.
Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.
Sincerely," It is left unsigned but it is the same user as the previous few edits.
A message is left on the 14th saying "(What did bro do...)
This message was removed later that day but the letter remained.
On October 3rd the letter was removed.
On October 17th the phrase calling it the best game ever made was amended "(thats obviously a lie)"
The whole phrase was removed later that day.
I hope those two crazy kids make it.
Racer: Choo Choo Gus

Paw Patrol Grand Prix

driftability 2
personalizability 1
turbobility 1.5
envirobility 1
whee 1.5

I paid 20 dollars for this game and I feel fucking gross so I matched that with a donation to the Mississippi bail fund. My receipt is right here.
This game is so boring guys. It's so nothing. You just drive around a stupid ass city. I don't know what goes on in pawpatrol and I don't like what little I've found out. I drive a garbage truck around and throw pies. Normally that'd be great but this stupid mangy thing keeps telling me he's coming everytime I driftboost. I'm gonna fucking lose it.
You can also buy a battle mode of the game, and some new tracks which is bullshit because there's barely any tracks or modes to begin with. The game is 50 dollars when you don't buy it on sale. That's one of the most expensive games on this list. Mariokart is 60 dollars but it has 48 unique tracks with battle mode and online mode included. It has a dlc but for 48 more tracks!
No rating sites have rated this game either. Except for ME. I give it a 2. Out of 100! Write it down, metacritic.
The gameplay is whatever. You can drift while driving forwards and just always have a boost (for some reason if you do this or not the person in second is always right behind. You can't go offroad, probably to keep kids on the track. I would reccomend this game for children if it was like, 20 dollars normally.
I played all of story mode, are you happy? Have you gotten your disgusting rocks off watching me go through the 9 layers of hell that is Paw Patrol Grad Prix. Knowing that I stopped the evil mayor from... becoming the mayor? I don't fucking know I don't want to play this anymore.
Racer: Rocky

Crash Team Racing

driftability 1
personalizability 2
turbobility 3
envirobility 2
whee 3.5

Why do I have to press two buttons to drift boost? I'm already drifting, give me the damn boost, why do I have to press another button?
I played the first game on my cousin's playstation 1 a long time ago. No, I didn't steal it. I loved that game. Granted it was my first racing game but that's just samanthics.

This CTR is fine. Like it's pretty good, but it's a remake and the maps are still based on the original ones which are just fine. One thing about this game is, though. It's really goddam hard. I don't know why but I always lose right at the end and have to play levels over and over. It's kinda frustrating, but it's fine, it's supposed to be like the Crash games.
Racer: N. Gin

Team Sonic Racing

driftability 4
personalizability 5
turbobility 4
envirobility 3.5
whee 4

Team Sonic Racing... kinda is the fucking second best racing game on this list. Like behind mariokart. This is the only game that I'm like, I'm gonna hop on Team Sonic Raing. All this other nonsense feels like I'm repenting for some sin. Sonic though, he's forgiven for them, and I am but showering in his grace and divinity.

I've played through the whole campaign which is... alot. But it's so good. The controls are great, the gameplay is awesome. I love the team gimick, it's really interesting. It would be so cool to do that with other people... if they were ever on.
Racer: Amy

Disney Speedstorm

driftabilty 3.5
personalizabilty 2
turbobility 4
envirobility 3
whee 4

I hate gacha games. They're predatory, greedy games that ruin the fun of like... games. Disney Speedstorm is like that but for kids and people who love Disney's boot taste. Anyway I've played a lot of this game. However, I didn't spend a cent.

The game is free, they know that if they can just get you to join they can scam you into spending hundred of dollars on credits. They know that people want their favorite disney racer and they have to jump through hoops to unlock that character normally but with a bit of money they just unlock that character immediately.

The actual gameplay is really fun. There are several diffent classes, but why would I consider not going for speedster. The designs, however, are boring. Everyone's in generic racecar with a tracksuit. The powerups are dull, one makes you go fast, one spins out anyone who touches you, they don't really look like what they do. Like, you have alot of properties to choose interesting items from. It's just boring.

The music, though, fucking owns. It's remixes of disney songs that just make you wanna fucking zoom. The tracks, pretty short, but you don't notice when you're going so fast.
Racer:Mowgli

I usually race with characters that have high speed and handling stats. I don't really care about other ones. I just need to get in first and stay there. "Frontrunning is bad because other players can hit you." Bitch I'm trying to win.

Gameboy Color

Looney Tunes Racing

Woody Woodpecker Racing

(get)

Magical Racing Tour

Antz Racing

Toy Story Racer

Star Wars Episode 1: Racer

Doraemon Kart

Gameboy Advance

Keroro Gunsou Taiketsu! Keroro Cart de Arimasu!!

Digimon Racing

Inspector Gadget Racing

Antz Extreme Racing

Shrek-Swamp Kart Speedway

Cartoon Network Speedway

driftability 2
personalizability 1
turbobility 1
envirobility 2
whee 1.5

This game wasn't as abyssmal as I thought it'd be. (By this point I had played Cartoon Network Racing for ds.

It was really easy. Like I was in gastrointestinal distress playing this game and had no trouble winning every race. Certified stomach ouchies playable.

The final prix is just reused tracks, though. Always points off for that. I would rather just not have another one.

Racer: Courage

Crazy Frog Racer

driftability 2
personalizability 1
turbobility 1
envirobility .5
whee 1

They did not make crazy frog racer for America. We simply wouldn't let it into our country. We said this will not stand. Or hop. Or make those horrible noises. Free us from the shackles of Axel F.

2005. The day of reckoning. Year. Whatever. I can't exert even a modicrum of seriousness for this title I just can't. It's crazy frog.

It's the same track. It's the same track over and over again.

Racer: Grim

Nicktoons Racing

Nicktoons Racing is not fun. It's not a fun experience. There are 3 prixs, four tracks each. And they're... there. You can play the prixs, time trials, and free race. And that's it. It's just so bare minimum.

AND THE GODDAM HOLES. There are so many holes and puddles that litter the tracks that you can just trip into whenever, especially the last race, congo bongo bang up (don't ask).

Racer: Angelica

(also get nicktoons racing for GBA?)

snes

Biker Mice From Mars

Hanna Barbera's Turbo Toons

Game Gear

Sonic Drift

Sonic Drift

ds

Crazy Frog Racer

driftability 1
personalizability 1
turbobility 1
envirobility .5
whee 1

It's all the same track. Every track is the same. They just move things around and by things I mean pretty much nothing. It's all blank road. And the tracks are so long. I'm gonna freak out. They don't even play crazy frog music.

The names of the prixs? Oh, well obiviously they're Baby Cup, Funny Cup, and Crazy Cup.

I went on speedrun and four people on sam's green earth that have participated in a speedrun of crazy frog racer for the ds.

I must ask why. I simply cannot comprehend. I watched this sick freak, andresfgp13, play all three cups for 46 minutes and 17 seconds. 12 minutes for the first prix which is three races. And that's the world record. The world record for the first three mariokart races is 4. Do you understand? Questions?

I looked further into this man, he has 4th place in Friend's trivia for the PS2. I don't know why I needed to tell you that.

Racer: Grim

Madagascar Kartz

driftability 2
personalizability 1
turbobility 4
envirobility 2
whee 2

Madagascar Kartz is a 2009 DS/PS3/Wii/Xbox 360 game. I played the DS version. It has 7 tracks and 4 prixs, 3 each. The remaining tracks are reverses. There is a rost of 8 characters, Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman, the chimps, the penguins, King Julien, bob from Monsters vs Aliens, and Shrek. I went with Melman for my playthrough, I would have went with Julien but he didn't have his crown for some reason and it freaked me out.

The game starts with a main menu playing I like to move it by Reel 2 Reel.

You collect mangoes through the track, for some reason. Maybe they boost speed, I have no idea. Interesting items include, a pineapple hat which does... something. A box which does... something. Bees which make the kart hard to turn. And a helicopter item which I thought was like bullet bill but you have to steer it and you can just drive that bitch off a cliff.

There's a really intersting feature in which there are jumps with boosts in front that will propel you over them, however you don't always make it. Now what determines this? Who knows. Most of the time I just fell. Another cool thing is the turbo boost. You can drift and it'll charge your turbo which you can use by pressing y. However the game does not tell you this and I did not figure it out until prix 4.

The game is also way too fast for it's small tracks. I cannot drift at 150cc on a 2 foot track. Terrible. Don't even look at this game.

Racer: Melman

M&M's Kart Racing

driftability 1
personalizability 2
turbobility 2
envirobility 2
whee 1

Do you think the red and orange m&ms are trans?

Anyway I know what you're thinking. Where on earth would you set an M&M's themed kart game? Did you guess a swamp with giant spiders raining down on you?

I don't know what the fuck is happening in my copy of the game. I can be so far ahead and in the second lap the other racers go fucking nuts and kick it into overdrive and catch up to me immediately. I can't get past one of the stages because they just blow past me at the end. What the fuck do I do?

The rubberbanding in this game is terrible, if you're hit you're not going to catch up, and if you're too far ahead the other racers will pass you before you can get to the end.

Racer: Red M&M

Cartoon Network Racing

Cartoon Network Racing is a fun game. If by fun you mean it's an exercise in the most foul torment known to man.

In this game you can't even look at another car, even breathing on one will put you to a stop. You want to use a slipstream to knock them out of the way? Too bad, it speeds you right into them where you will crash and be left shaking in rage. It's just, god, it's frustrating. It took me at least two tries per prix to get first place. Two! That's more than one!

You can also collect stars, these will fill up a bar that will charge your special move. For my race, Courage, that means letting out a scream that will disorient nearby races. I never used this. It was hard to get into range by the time the bar was filled.

One interesting thing it does is introduce a shop, not for upgrades, but for minigames and cartoons. That's right this game let's you watch three (3) cartoons.

The game only features a couple of Cartoon Network shows. Dexter's Lab, Powerpuff Girls, IM Weasel, Johnny Bravo, Cow and Chicken, and Courage the Cowardly Dog. This game was released in 2007, so there were alot of other good shows then, I don't know why they went with such a limited cast.

My previous point about rubberbanding also applies here. If you're too far behind first place that gap will only grow til it's impossible to catch up.

The average review for this game was about 6.

Racer: Courage

Does it have a rainbow road? Yes.

Diddy Kong Racing

driftability 3
personalizability 1
turbobility 2
envirobility 2
whee 2

This game is about... fuck all I guess. You need to please an elephant to grant wishes. I don't know. Why is the Elephant indian but he's a genie. Genies aren't indian.

Just to be sure I looked up genie and the only wikipedia result I found on the front page was a feral child named Genie. She was found in 1970 when she was 13. It's actually really sad the way she was treated by her parents and the government. I hope she's okay.

MySims Racing

driftability 2.5
personalizabilty 3.5
turbobility 2
evirobility 1
whee 3

I'll be brave. I'll say it. I like MySims Racing. Most Kart games I've played are just a collection of tracks you can play in a prix or on their own. Sometimes there are little modes that are basically the same thing, but MySims decided to make a whole world of it.

I've always liked MySims even though it was just a chibi pg version of sims. I just thought it was nice to explore and like they really wanted kids to engage with the franchise. When I started playing MySims DS I had already played sims hot date and I knew a few things about whoohooing, but I still enjoyed what this more simplistic take on it had to offer.

Anyway MySims Racing has alot of those elemements except now you're in a car.

They have a stunt track! For stunts! It's basically like a skating game where you can just do tricks on the halfpipe. Because that's exactly what it is.

Racer: Me

Ben 10 Galactic Racing

driftability 2
personalizability 2
turbobility 2.5
envirobilitiy 2
whee 2.5

Ben 10 Galactic Racing is... actually not bad. The controls were simple, it had intersting features, and the maps were pretty okay. Also whenever you crash into Ben he says seek therapy. I don't know alot about Ben 10 but I believe this takes place during Ultimate Alien. You can play as Ben, several of his alien forms, and Vilgax. It's weird you can't play as Gwen, though.

The game's pretty okay, however it's not easy to get from last back to first, but really easy to get from first to last. The items are kind of silly, like one is a bunch of colors that move around on screen that's supposed to be like the ink from Mariokart but it doesn't make it really harder to see. I also don't understand the bar atop that fills randomly.

Once it's filled you charge the omnitrix and can transform if you're Ben, or use you power if you're an alien. Or you can boost. I usually boosted because the powers weren't really helpful.

There are no prixs, just unlockable maps of certain zones you can do different races on. Maybe I only enjoyed this because so many other games on the ds are garbage, but it's really pretty okay. No drift though.

Racer: Ben

Shrek Smash n' Crash Racing

driftability 1
personalizability 1
turbobility 2
envirobility 1
whee 1

I hate you, Shrek SNC I hate you so much oh my god. Like a fucking idiot I thought tournament meant prix but shame on me for thinking something so goddam stupid because it's all the races in a row. There's like 12 which wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so goddam long. And the controls, good lord. I thought I was going to be sick with the way they spin things, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. This is maybe my least favorite ds racing game. INCLUDING M&Ms RACING HOW ARE YOU WORSE THAN M&Ms RACING?

Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing

driftability 4
personalizability 2
turbobility 3
envirobility 3

Can I just say something? It's unfair tails gets to race in a plane. This is the start of the sonic racing empire. Sonic racing games are somehow fun. A feat that slim to none of the other games in this list have done. The controls are easy to use, dare I say easier than MarioKart DS. Even though this game is pretty much just mariokart down to the one to one items.

You all sorts of maps of sega properties that I don't recognize.

If you press the down button you can do a wheelie. I'm not sure what the purpose is other than looking fucking cool. Real quick I want to do a comparison of the items in this game compared to Mariokart. K.O. Glove. Green Shell. Mine. Banana Peel. Bowling Bomb. Bob-omb. Speed Shoes. Mushroom. Confusing Star. Star. Manual Rocket. Red shell. Energy Shield. Three Shells. Pocket Rainbow. Blooper. Giant Rocket. Blue Shell.
What stands out is the Mega Horn which flips everyone near it. However this is pretty common in other games.

Racer: Shadow

Sponge Bob's Boating Bash

driftability 1
personailizabilty 1
turbobility 1
envirobility 1
whee 1

Sponge Bob's Boating Bash is a game that was sent to me by... the name on the package says satan.

SBBB has an interesting mechanic in that you have a top down perspective, controling the kart with your stylus around a circle. I thought this would be difficult, but it wasnt too bad.

With that you can drive around the tracks and complete all 10 laps in- oh? No, you didn't mishear me, TEN LAPS. TEN BORING LAPS THAT TAKE A MINUTE EACH! How do I know they take a minute? There is a timer that resets every lap and if it runs out, even if you're so goddam far ahead in first place, you lose. Seven minutes in and are only one second behind the time? Oh well!

Okay, live reports say after further investigation, I have been playing the game wrong. Will report back with new information.

A few hours later.

Okay. So you're not supposed to win the race. There goes like half an hour of my time. You're supposed to wreck the other racers. FUCK.

Super Star Kartz

driftability 1.5
personalizability 1
turbobility 1.5
envirobility 1.5
whee 1

Skip to DreamWorks Super Star Kartz to read before this review.

Super Star Kartz is like if DreamWorks Super Star Kartz and Madagascar Kartz had a disgusting bastard child.

Madagascar Kartz came out in 2009. Both the DreamWorks Kartz came out in 2011 at the same time. And they just reused maps and items from Madagascar Kartz??????????????? The 3DS version has 3 maps per prix, the DS one has 4 but that's because they just use maps from Madagascar Kartz! What the hell!

I played Alex because there were only three characters unlocked at the start. Which is stupid. Have more character unlocked at the beginning so players have a choice for a character they like.

The DreamWorks maps were the same setting as the 3DS ones but different.

I've noticed alot of games on older consoles reuse tracks. Possibly due to the influence of Super Mario Kart. I'm not sure why. This could be remedied with just having less prixs.

3ds

Garfield Kart

driftability 1.5
personalizability 2
envirobility 1
turbobility 1
whee 1

Starting off hot, starting off strong. Garfield Kart is a game made by people. We assume. This game came out in 2013, well before AI generation, but I wouldn't put it past them.

Garfield Kart is a great example of the flaws of kart racers. In some universes, there's a lot of interesting environments and characters and just alot of good ideas for tracks and racers. Garfield however... is Garfield. The tracks include city streets and generic deserts?

At first the game was pretty easy, but during prix 3 it was determined not to let me win. The first two racers went way too fast, and the rest of them way too slow. This is where the glitching started, from slowing me down, to spinning out for no reason. At some points I was just stuck on nothing.

One interesting thing it does, however, is have a spring powerup, to let you jump over obstacles and into shortcut. And there were a LOT of shortcuts. Which were the only reason I could get through the broken prixs. This reminds me of the feather in super mario kart, a power up that hasn't returned since. (At least not in versus mode)

I'm not sure why it got a sequel with reviews like 3/10 from Nintendo Life. 1.5 from Hardcore Gamer and a D- from Gaming Age.

Racer: Garfield because only he and Jon were unlocked at the start of the game.

DreamWorks Super Star Kartz

driftability 2
personalizability 1
turbobility 2
envirobility 2
whee 1.5

DreamWorks Super Star Kartz is poorly planned, messy, but it's playable. That's more than I can say about some of these games. The drift works and you can get around without too much trouble. It's just so mediocre, nothing is being done here. Some of the tracks are pretty inventive, but that's so bare minimum. The final prix is just the third one again but dark and in reverse so you might not notice it's just the same thing.

However, most of the voice cast seems to be the same as the movies. It also has King Julien as the announcer, and he makes a little introduction to each course. And that's fun. That shows one writer actually tried.

There's a star meter you fill up by collecting stars throughout the track. When you get all five, you can unleash your star move. I did not know this until a tip in the loading screen told me in the final prix. I played as Skipper and his star move is sending a shockwave that knocks out opponents ahead. It's on the Y key though, so basically it's useless since I have to disrupt my finger positioning to use it, thus losing momentum.

The karts are just extremely uninventive. They're usually the same model with sometimes other colors. God, at least try!

Sonic and All Stars Racing Transformed

Hello Kitty and Sanrio Friends 3D Racing

driftablity fuck you personalizability ill kill you turbobility aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa envirobility whee No fucking wonder Hello Kitty Kruisers was so barren. It wasn't even supposed to be a switch game. They made this for the 3DS. And it feels like it! Why did they do this to me! Usually if you port a recent game to another more advanced console you change it to fit! I have played different versions of the same game released in the same year that did that way better.

Ben 10 Galactic Racing

Speaking of games that released on different consoles that aren't the same. It's Ben 10 Galactic Racing for the 3DS. It's Ben 10 Galactic Racing but not for the DS. This game feels like it's more of something you're supposed to like. The DS version felt like something it would be cool if you liked, but the 3DS actually wants you to be into it. It's buying you a drink and lightly negging you. I don't know where I'm going with this.

Racer: Echo Echo

Skylanders SuperChargers Racing

Skylanders SuperChargers Racing is... a game I couldn't play. I was very excited loading it up, there was an exciting intro, the UI was very good, looked like a game made by people who liked making it, aaaaaaaaaand, you can't play it. I don't know alot about Skylanders, I know they're a toy-based interactive game type deal, but I did NOT think that would transfer over to the 3DS.

No, apparently you can have the game, but without the Portal of Power, a 3DS periphreal, all the characters are locked. There seems to be alot of them, aaaaaaaaaand I can't play any. And I'm not about to go on ebay and buy a Portal of Power any time soon.

I had a dream last night. I was in a unending superstore, stretched in front of me were endless shelves of games. Kart games. I could not leave that place.

ps1

Chocobo Racing

Land Before Time, The: Great Valley Racing Adventure

Looney Tunes Racing

Nicktoons Racing

Nicktoons Racing for the ps1 is what Nicktoons Racing for the gameboy was meant to be.

Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour

Bomberman Fantasty Race

Batman: Gotham City Racer

It uses clips of Batman the Animated Series. The game is actually not a kart racer as I could have hoped. You're just racing against a clock. You play as Batman racing through the streets of Gotham in order to get to other plot points of an episode. Which sounds pretty fun. It is, however, terribly unfun. The Batmobile is hard to control and you veer in to every building and car in Gotham. The first adventure follows the episode Sins of the Father. There's a first person mode and it's giving motion sickness.

Muppet RaceMania

driftability .5 personalizability 1 turbobility 2 envirobility 2 whee 1 Muppet Racemania is great if you ever wanna throw up.

Toy Story Racer

Smurf Racer!

driftability 2 personalizability 1 turbobility 1.5 envirobility 1.5 whee 2 The thing about these old games is, alot of them want you to get first place every time or you won't be able to keep going. So you end up getting second and feeling pretty good because this game has the worst controls in the universe, but oh well, not good enough you smurf cuck.

Woody Woodpecker Racing

ps2

Wacky Races: Mad Motors

55.9 mbs

Action Girlz Racing

97 mbs driftablity 2 personalizability 1 turbobility .5 envirobility 1 whee 1

Action Girlz Racing isn't based on anything so I normally wouldn't count it but it's one of the worst reviewed games of the time so I had to. Looking at the menu it didn't seem too bad but after playing it I realized why it was so negatively seen. This game is so absurdly slow. Some tracks being nine minutes long.

A track should take about two to four minutes to complete. The shortest track in MarioKart 8 is Toad Turnpike which takes around 2 minutes and 7 seconds. That's less than one lap of some of the tracks in Action Girlz Racing. The longest being Rainbow Road at around 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Still less that Action Girl Racing's one lap.

The rubberbanding is really messed up. No one gets too behind, no one gets too ahead, everyone just stays in this big group and collides with each other constantly.

Racer:

Flintstones the Bedrock Racing

97.7 mbs

Star Wars: Super Bombad Racing

231 mbs

Crazy Frog Racer 1

420 mbs

Crazy Frog Racer 2

508 mbs

Bomberman Kart

522 mbs drifatbility 2 personalizability 2 turbobility 1 envirobility 2 whee 1

Not only is bomberman kart extremely monotonous and long for each race, THEY MAKE YOU WATCH THE WHOLE RACE AGAIN! It's an instant replay I can't skip. Is this just me? Why do I have to watch all 7 minutes of this race again? I'm writing this while the cutscene is playing on my console. Why! Is! It! Like! This! I just want to get ot he next race. If you even look at the drift button in this game your kart shoots into outer space. Okay no, but you will spin out. Maybe it is me. I think the replay looped. I'm pressing every button I don't know what it wants from me. Okay restarted the game. The available languages are french english and german. Let's try french this time. What really gets my goat is that the actual renders of the bomberman characters are extremely cute. Nevermind I take back everything I said. It has a mode where you can just play bomberman. Don't bother with the kart game just play bomberman. Racer: Black

Antz Extreme Racing

553 mbs Are you aware there are 34 credits on this game and there are two women. I decided to go through the credits and see what else the people who made this worked on. It's not really notable. Only one had worked on a game I've heard of.

Looney Tunes: Space Race

630 mbs

Myth Makers: Super Kart GP

655 mbs

Myth Makers has the exact same menu as Action Girlz Racing. What is happening. This is the same game why is it the same game? They released inthe same year. They just made the same game twice but changed the characters and tracks.

Racer: Zolstine

MTV Pimp My Ride: Street Racing

1.19 gbs ONE GIGABYTE? OF WHAT?

Speed Racer

2.67 gbs TWO GIGABYTES????????

Cartoon Network Racing

3.42 gbs driftability 2 personalizability 3 turbobility 2 envirobility 3 whee 2 3 GIGABYTES OF CARTOON NETWORK RACING.

We're back in the cn universe. I'm not sure where most of these tracks come from. They're not from the shows. You charge a meter using power slide? So they say? It really just recharges on its own. It is way too easy to just get turned around have to take like a whole minute to turn back around. Racer: Mojo jojo

Pac Man World Ralley

4 gbs

DreamWorks Shrek: Smash n' Crash Racing

4.19 driftability 2 personalizability 2 turbobility 3 envirobility 3.5 whee 2.5

They gave everything to this game. Which may or may not be sad. What you don't normally get in these games is cutscenes. It starts off with donkey accidentally using magic to turn the things around him into karts. Now the race is on. For some reason. Lord Farquad's ghost can just grab you and ride on you in a level. You can watch a trailer for other incredible dreamworks games. Racer: Fionna

Jak X: Combat Racing

4.34 gbs

gamecube

DreamWorks Shrek: Smash n' Crash Racing

Other than double dash why is this one of the only kart games for gamecube?

Crash Nitro Kart

Crash Nitro Racing

From around the gameboy to the switch there have been the same players that copy mariokart all throughout. Sonic. Nick. Dreamworks. Garfield. Do these things make money though? Has any of this ever made money? We'll never know. They don't publish their profits.